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broken dreams
August 2009 
Void Removal from my Heart
Ronnie
This past weekend I went on personal mini-spiritual retreats into the mountains … and of course many things passed though my mind while hiking and during my meditations. (see pics in entry made on Feb 10, 2008)
One of the very important things I felt was that it was time to seal up the Void in my heart that I have kept open and carried around for sooooo long … always hoping and wishing that it would be filled with the gift of Love with the right women … and how many I did meet that I hoped might be the right one. But what I realized is I have been holding on to this painful Void … my “heart dream” so long now that it had become part of my emotional baggage … and this Void that I feel deep in my heart was no longer a Void at all but instead became a repository of broken dreams.
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I call dealing with the “repository of broken dreams, “becoming strong at all the broken places.”
I use to consider that my strength was in being able to sit quietly with “pain holding my hand,” and I now view that as an indicator of just how lost and broken I had become by the rejections and betrayals life had cluttered my way with as I was falling in a downward spiral of ever deepening my pain. Yes, I was stronger, my verve for bearing pain was bordering on absurd!
Now, I smile as I no longer create pain for myself. I recognize the void as a gap of separation from our Beloved. A gap leaves within us a hole that can never be filled, it can only be closed, spontaneously reuniting us with our Beloved.
As I wrote this initially, Fire Fox, crashed when I hit the spell check button, so I shall not do that again. This is a meager rendition of what I wrote, but I am too tired to regenerate. Sorry about that, I was direly tempted to not repost.
Ah, the vagrancies of physical life, eh!??
I am glad you are closing your gaps, this lessening of your separation from your Creator creates more connection which is more communion… a grand “thing”, indeed!
All to Love,
Sharon