My Dear One,

I really thought I could easily get past this with you ... and say good-bye I did not realize just how many pictures my mind took of our “times” we shared together … but the carousel slide projector of my mind today has been constantly changing pictures about every 3 or 4 seconds … I want it to stop but it just keeps going to the next slide … the next slide … next slide. Slides like …the evening we were out by the barn and we embraced and shared the warmth of our hearts … or when we went to Madera Canyon and as we walked through the forest I passionately held you against the tree …  or when we bumped heads  we each laughed until we cried … the pictures of my mind go on and on …

“Will I get over you?” … Or a better question I ask myself … “Do I want to get over you?” It all will just take time for me. Yes I hoped I could just go and meet someone new … why not I thought … that will get my mind off of you. But instead it just intensifies my sorrow.

I love who I am in all my imperfections … but there is one thing I absolutely do not like about myself … not knowing how to … no make that not willing to be able to let go of your precious Love that my Heart has embraced. Words are very powerful and I know saying such things to you as “I am in Love with you” over and over again made this so. I also know I must not give these precious words away freely but they always felt so good and so right saying them to you.

As I said in the first line of this note, I really did think it would be so much easier this time for me to let go as I am so much wiser … with a deep understanding of the process of ending a relationship I have gained from my work. And yes I am so much wiser … but this just does not make the pain of what was real any less.

Please know I am writing these words not as an attempt to win you back, but for me as I am hoping that writing them will help me move on and let go … and for now I will stop here. I know there is so much more inside that I need to release … when I am ready … when I am ready.

With much Love I will begin to let go.

As We Continue

I feel you so close to me right now …
You see, each night as I lay my head down,
I still can feel your soul touching mine …
And each new day as I awake,  
I still can hear the beat of your heart in my ear.

I smile as I know you are happy on your new journey …
Yet I know there is sadness too.

Awake my Dear Sweet One …
For today I am knocking at your door.

Let me in so that I can see your smile once more …
So that I might feel the warmth of your soul ...
So that I might hear the beat of your heart ...
And so that I might know your eyes again.
 
Let me in so that I can hold you in my arms once again …
So that I may sooth your heart …
So that I may sooth your soul …
So that you may know me in ways meant only for you.

For that is how it was meant to be …
As we continue on our journey …
As we continue to believe …
As we continue to grow …
As we continue to continue.
 
With Love … Always with Love

Action Speaks Louder Than Words

As I sit back and think about my recently ended relationship ... a loving relationship that I so enjoyed ... I ponder on the thought about "endings" and how "endings" are always tough … even if they are mutual. I am very appreciative for all that I have received from her and all that I was able to give to her ... and the powerful ebb and flow of life we shared when we were together.

I find I have re-learned an important lesson from this heart felt experience but this time with new eyes as I awoke to my fresh reality … this time with new understanding.  You see I think I get it now ... that  in order to better the odds at making a loving relationship continuously thrive ... that it takes more than making that someone you Love, number one in your Heart ... and more than making that someone you Love, number one in your Soul. It means to consider that very special person that you Love in all that you do … and consider making them number one in the outcome of  all your Actions too.

"For Action and Words go hand in hand,
    ... and all good Love is so free.
But remember that Action speaks louder than Words,
     ... and that's how Love should be."

Are there other thoughts about relationships to talk about? ... of course. But for now I want to allow myself the space of acceptance of saying "Good-bye".