Letting Go

My Dear One,

I really thought I could easily get past this with you ... and say good-bye I did not realize just how many pictures my mind took of our “times” we shared together … but the carousel slide projector of my mind today has been constantly changing pictures about every 3 or 4 seconds … I want it to stop but it just keeps going to the next slide … the next slide … next slide. Slides like …the evening we were out by the barn and we embraced and kissed and shared the warmth of our hearts … or when we went to Madera Canyon and as we walked through the forest I passionately held you against the tree as we kissed …  or when we got back from Seattle and we were taking a shower together and I opened the shower door and pulled you to the bed and we made Love … or when we bumped heads in bed and we each laughed until we cried … the pictures of my mind go on and on …

“Will I get over you?” … Or a better question I ask myself … “Do I want to get over you?” It all will just take time for me. Yes I hoped I could just go and meet someone new … why not I thought … that will get my mind off of you. But instead it just intensifies my sorrow.

I love who I am in all my imperfections … but there is one thing I absolutely do not like about myself … not knowing how to … no make that not willing to be able to let go of your precious Love that my Heart has embraced. Words are very powerful and I know saying such things to you as “I am in Love with you” over and over again made this so. I also know I must not give these precious words away freely but they always felt so good and so right saying them to you.

As I said in the first line of this note, I really did think it would be so much easier this time for me to let go as I am so much wiser … with a deep understanding of the process of ending a relationship I have gained from my work. And yes I am so much wiser … but this just does not make the pain of what was real any less.

Please know I am writing these words not as an attempt to win you back, but for me as I am hoping that writing them will help me move on and let go … and for now I will stop here. I know there is so much more inside that I need to release … when I am ready … when I am ready.

With much Love I will begin to let go.